Rebecca Goes Back To Work
by A Whisper Of Grace
Summary: Rebecca's return to work isn't easy, on her or Nathaniel. Post 3x07, Nathaniel POV.


Nathaniel sat in his office, determinedly not looking at the time. It was 9.32am, and he knew this because he'd checked twenty seconds ago, and the minute before that, and thirty seconds before that. He sat at his desk, staring at his screen, trying to make his brain take in the details of the case he's just acquired for the firm. He'd read through the brief at least four times, but he still didn't have the slightest hint of what it said.

 _Rebecca's coming back today._

The sick feeling in his stomach, he'd discovered with irritation, was probably nerves. He wasn't used to the feeling, didn't like it at all. It was just really important that today went well for her. He just wanted to bring a little bit of normal back into her life... Not that he had to be the one to do it, or that anyone else could do it for her, he just wanted it for her.

Selflessness was a feeling that he wasn't used to.

Though on the other hand, he _was_ looking forward to seeing her every day again.

Well, every day was a stretch. She did show up _most_ days.

9:35.

He hadn't spoken to her in a few days, which was fine, truly, he had no illusions and didn't want to be her priority right now, not when she had bigger things to deal with. Paula had kept him updated, telling him that she was looking forward to coming back. He knew they'd be coming in together today, so he'd told Paula to take her time, grab some breakfast first, ease her into it, just be in by, say, 9.30. She'd smiled at him in gratitude, waving as she stepped into the elevator and calling out that they'd see him at 10.

One day, he might gain a little control and respect in this place.

He had turned to the rest of the office, looking over everyone but pausing when he'd met Darryl's eye. "All right, listen up. I want you all to remember that tomorrow is a _normal day_ ," he said, drawing out the last words so there would be no doubt about them. Darryl frowned and went to interrupt, but he continued before he could, cutting him off. "I don't want to see any tacky balloons, or welcome back signs, or any sort of disruption. At. All."

Darryl had slumped slightly more with everything he listed, and Nathaniel had felt a moment's hesitation before he hardened himself against it. He hadn't wanted to put any more pressure on Rebecca than he'd needed to, and he'd known that Darryl and the others would take things way too far if they'd been given any leeway at all.

Forcing down the lump in his throat, he let himself look at the time again. 9:42.

 _I can't sit still any longer._

A knock on his door made him jump, and he looked up to see George sidling into his office, a big grin on his face. "So boss, what have you done? Flowers? Chocolates? Chocolates shaped like flowers? Ohh! Those cute little fluffy teddy bears cuddling a little heart?"

Here we go. "I haven't done anything. This is -"

"A normal work day, I know," George said with a sigh. Nathaniel raised his eyebrows at him and after a moment his face started to redden. Nathaniel resisted the urge to roll his eyes, then gave into it a moment later. George made a strangled sound. "You really haven't done anything?"

"I haven't done anything," he repeated. "What makes you think I'd want to do anything? And anyway, Darryl..." He trailed off as he looked out the window into the main office. Getting slowly to his feet, he pushed past George and walked over to Rebecca's desk, which had remained untouched since her wedding - untouched by her, and anyone else. He slowly looked around the office, noticing not one thing out of place. _"Darryl!"_

Darryl popped his head out of the break room. "Is she on her way? Is she here?"

Nathaniel gestured around the office to where there was obviously no Rebecca. "No she's not here, but she'll be here soon! Why haven't you done anything?"

Darryl's eyes widened. "But you said -"

Nathaniel groaned loudly. " _This_ is when you decide to start listening to me?" He'd known Darryl would take things way too far, so he'd told him to do nothing with the expectation that he might then do a normal amount of welcome back things. But of course this was the one time where everyone had actually paid attention to what he'd said. He didn't want to scare her off, but he also wanted Rebecca to know that he'd – _they'd_ – missed her. Darryl was just staring at him, the panic increasing on his face every moment. "Do you have _anything_?"

"We bought some stuff before you told us not to do anything," Maya piped up, stepping up beside Darryl, who shot her a wide-eyed look. "That we definitely didn't buy with the expense account, no siree."

Time to get into that later. "Fine. Go!" he added when no one moved, and finally the two of them darted off in the direction of the storeroom, roping in a few others to help on the way. "You have twelve minutes," he called after them.

In the end, it turned out to look like a pretty reasonable welcome back party. There was a small banner over her desk, a bigger one by the door, and a wild array of quickly hung streamers and hastily blown up balloons. Nathaniel stood by the door to his office, alternatively watching them fuss around with finishing touches and checking his watch. Feeling someone's eyes on him, he looked up and found Mrs Herdandez watching him from behind her desk. When she saw that he'd seen her she raised her eyebrows. He scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"She's coming," Darryl yelled, waving his phone in the air. "Paula..." He trailed off, then continued at a more regular volume. "They're in the lobby."

There was a mad rush as they got the last few things into place, and then a heavy silence fell as everyone turned to the elevator doors. Nathaniel looked over everyone with a fondness that usually didn't touch him when he considered his employees. Everyone here truly cared for Rebecca, even the people who didn't speak to her as regularly as her friends. Everyone was rooting for her.

Nathaniel smiled, then quickly forced his face into something more neutral. The moment the elevator dinged, however, his heart did a little jump and it was all he could do not to grin like a child.

"Welcome back Rebecca!"

That was what Darryl had planned for everyone to shout when the doors opened and, well, at least everyone said the same thing even if their timing was ridiculously off. Nathaniel pressed his lips together, too antsy to feel everyone else's joviality.

Rebecca stepped into the office with Paula half a step behind her, and her shocked expression quickly changed to a huge grin. "You _guys_ ," she said, looking from the decorations to the people standing by to see her. "This is amazing! You did all this for me?"

"Of course we did!" Darryl said, rushing forward to wrap his arms around her. "We were all so sad when we didn't think you'd be coming back."

 _Oh, Darryl._

Rebecca smiled at him, but after a moment her mind seemed to go to what Nathaniel's had supplied straight away. Not coming back from Scarsdale, or...? He felt sick, sick with worry and sadness and horror, and he watched a similar stream of emotions flit over Rebecca's face before she stopped, took a deep breath, and lifted her shoulders. Her smile only looked a little bit forced. "Thanks, Darryl. I'm assuming this was mostly you?"

"We all helped," Maya said.

"Thank you." Rebecca looked out over her co-workers again, and Nathaniel straightened when her eyes stopped on him. Her smile dropped a little, but that made it feel a little more genuine. He smiled faintly back at her.

Rebecca headed over to her cubicle, dropped her bag onto the desk and sat down, and was already surrounded by a group of people trying entirely too hard to look casual as they crowded around her desk. Everyone had something to tell her, to ask her. Nathaniel stayed where he was, content just for her to be there, just to see her smile.

Except as the minutes passed, that smile became more and more forced, a mask on her face that didn't quite hide the rising panic in her eyes. He watched as her body became tenser and tenser, her knuckles turning white as she squeezed her hands tighter. This was too much for her, he realised, and cursed himself for letting Darryl draw attention to it at all. Maybe nothing would have been better. He looked for Paula, but her back was turned, trying to fend off Karen, and she hadn't seen Rebecca struggling.

"All right, enough," he said loudly, taking a step forward. "What did I say? A normal work day." They'd all stopped talking and turned to him, but not a one of them moved further than that. "Get back to work!"

With entirely too much muttering, the crowd dispersed, leaving Rebecca alone at her desk. Rebecca had turned to him as soon as he'd spoken, and his unease grew as the panicky look in her eyes didn't go away. She seemed frozen, her lips slightly parted, her chest moving in short, quick breaths that, by the reddening of her face, weren't getting any air to her lungs. Putting his hand on his chest, Nathaniel took a long, deep breath, let it out slowly, then repeated. After a moment she copied him, managing to take a full breath after a few attempts.

Finally, her breathing evened out and her body relaxed, and as it did so he felt something go out of him as well. He suddenly felt exhausted and drained, his legs like jelly. His skin felt hot, and he felt sweat on his brow and trickling down his spine. She frowned at him in confusion, but looked away when Paula returned to her cubicle and said something to her, and he took the moment to escape back to his office.

Closing the door behind him, he sat behind his desk, tugged his tie loose and put his head in his hands. Ironic, that now he was the one having trouble breathing. This wasn't a panic attack, this was just panic… unlike what he was pretty sure he'd just seen with Rebecca and what he'd seen with his mother countless times. The thought of anyone he loved feeling like that made him feel sick and helpless.

What must have been five minutes passed, and he didn't feel any more ready to even consider anything work related. He groaned as a gentle knocking reached his ears, and he looked up to tell George to go away, but the words died on his lips as Rebecca opened the door and slipped inside. He couldn't look at her without feeling sick, in his gut, in his heart, so he kept his eyes on his desk as she quietly sat on the couch at the opposite end of the room.

She didn't say anything, and the silence soon became thick and heavy between them. He couldn't take it anymore. "Maybe it was too soon," he said before he could stop himself. He didn't want it to be true, wanted her to be happier and healthier and more comfortable than this, but more than any of that he wanted her to be okay. And if being okay meant not being at work, not being around him, then it was really a no-brainer.

"No," she said immediately, her voice quiet but firm. "It was… nice," she continued in a gentler tone. "It was really touching that everybody… cares so much. I didn't think they'd go to his much trouble." She paused. "But then I started thinking about how much trouble _I've_ caused over the last few weeks, and I –"

She stopped, seemingly unable to finish, but he didn't need her to. "I understand," he said softly, and finally raised his eyes to her. Now he stopped, seeing for the first time the small cupcake held in her hand. "What is that?" he asked suspiciously.

"Welcome back cake. Or, cakes. I thought you might want one."

Nathaniel raised his eyebrows at her, looking pointedly at the frosting heaped on top, at least as tall as the cupcake itself. "If I eat that, I'll be spending all afternoon on the treadmill. I have meetings."

Rebecca shrugged, the corner of her mouth lifting into what was almost a smile. "Or you could, you know, just eat it." Standing up from the couch, she walked over and dropped into the chair opposite him, putting the cupcake on his desk.

He sighed, knowing she wasn't going to let it drop. "Maybe later," he conceded, and was rewarded with a smile that made his heart swell and sink and flip all at once. All he wants is this, her smile, her genuine happiness. "How about this," he said, hesitant to return the conversation to something harder but knowing it was best for both of them not to hide from it. "We'll take it slow. Take back just one or two accounts, Paula and I will keep everyone off your back, and if it gets too much you can go to the bathroom and not come back until tomorrow. I know you know how to pull off that move."

She returns his weak smile with one just as precarious, but he could see that she was grateful for the offer and for the joke.

"Thank you," she said, twisting her hands together on the table between them. "It's nice to know that they care, but... It's a bit much with everyone's eyes on me every moment." Together, they looked out of the office window, and Nathaniel was both unsurprised and irritated to see almost everyone in the office peering at them over their cubicle walls. As one, everyone ducked out of sight, but not without a crash and a curse that was unmistakably Darryl.

Rebecca sighed, turning back to him with a shrug. "I don't know what I can handle," she said simply. "I don't know what I want."

"That makes two of us," Nathaniel said under his breath, then immediately regretted the words when Rebecca's brow furrowed thoughtfully. Not just because it wasn't the time to be talking about his feelings, but because it was also the furthest thing from the truth. He did know what he wanted, he knew very clearly what he wanted. But he was self-aware enough to know that neither of them were ready for it just yet.

Rebecca looked at him consideringly, chewing her bottom lip between her teeth. "You've taken everything that's happened surprisingly well for..."

"For a soul sucking corporate piece of trash?" he supplied quickly, trying to lighten the mood.

And failing, if her grimace was anything to go by. "I don't think about you like that anymore," she said slowly. "Well, maybe a little bit sometimes," she added. "But not really."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and it finally felt like some of the tension had eased from the room. He relaxed, glad that even if she wasn't quite feeling herself just yet, that he hopefully wasn't making it worse. "Want to hide in here for a while?" he asked eventually.

"Thank you, but I'm good," she said, sounding both like she meant it, and that she was surprised that she meant it. "I suppose I've got to brave them sooner or later." She paused. "But if I need to hide a bit later, I'll know where to go?"

"Absolutely."

Standing up from the desk, she turned to leave, but paused at the door. "Nathaniel?" she said, smiling at him, the first full, genuine smile that he'd seen on her all day.

"Yes?"

"Eat the cupcake."


End file.
